A borrowed entry

I discovered a new artist (by accident) yesterday. Her voice was so captivating that I had to stop and listen....so this a.m. I let one of my exam distractions be a quick Google search for her website....and here's a copy of her journal entry that I "borrowed" to share with you. I would invite you, too, to check out Mica Roberts....

"Perhaps strength doesn’t reside in having never been broken…but in the courage required to grow strong in the broken places."

In April of 2007, I began to share the message that my father taught me. The words "You Only Fail When You Quit" have become the thread of not only my career but, my life.

You see, I have many broken places within me, places invisible to the eye, places that can be covered with a smile, a laugh or a quick witted response that deflects a truth….

After a very long day of shooting the video for "Things a Mama Don’t Know", I went back to my hotel and didn’t bother to take off my make-up. This wouldn’t normally cause any heads to turn in LA. Of course, normally my make-up wouldn’t consist of a rather large black eye. I was so tired that I didn’t even think about it. I was so emotionally drained from the shoot that I failed to notice that the man whom I rode in the elevator with was staring at me, at my rather large black eye. Once I realized that he was looking at my eye, I said "Oh, I was in a video today and I forgot to take my make-up…" My voice faded as I realized that he wasn’t listening.
He was just staring at my eye.

I got off of the elevator, walked into my room, entered the bathroom and gazed at my eye.

"…like hiding the bruises on my face, just for everyone sake. Mom he’s a real go getter, love hasn’t ever felt better, you won’t believe all the things he’s promisin’ me. California that’s where we’re goin’, he swears he can make a fortune. I know you don’t think I should go...there’s some things a mama don’t know."

There are several things that people don’t know; that those around us, those who love us will never know…there are unseen bruises, battered souls, hidden scars and shattered dreams.

Some of the broken places within me have healed…and they are stronger than they would have been had they not broke. They healed because the words of my dad circled in my head, "You Only Fail When You Quit."

Some places have not healed, but I won’t stop trying to breathe hope into those places.

I don’t know where you need healing, but you do. I don’t know if someone around you needs compassion, and you may not either….

So, for this month instead of staring at someone’s bruises, ask if you can help. And know this, that being broken doesn’t mean you are weak, it means that you have the ability to grow and become stronger than you ever imagined you could be…

Thank you for continuing with me on this journey,

M

In the midst of exams....grace, mercy, peace

Wow! Had an awesome day at church today. Wish I had time to tell you just how much the music and the message spoke to my heart. I'm not sure if the other 2000 people needed to be there, but I know that I did, and it seemed as if the entire service was a letter of love and encouragement to me. I eventually just stopped wiping the tears away and just let them drench my face, neck, and shirt.

Lyrics to From the Inside Out

A thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in your grace

Your will above all else, my purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
From the inside out Lord, my soul cries out

Exam mode

This week has been especially busy. Lots of projects due. The final--and most significant one--was due this morning (all the docs to create an LLC). I finalized that package at about 4:00 a.m. and then debated whether I should grab a quick nap or just get ready for school. After getting only about 10 hours of sleep this entire week, I opted for the nap (and think that was the best decision). It's been a long day; but, adrenaline and caffeine have been my friends. The last classes are complete, review sessions are over, and it's time to get into exam mode.

Try as I might to avoid it, the time has come to prepare for another round of exams. Less than an hour ago I finished my last class as a 2L. Four exams from now I hope to look forward to my last year as a law student. How sweet it will be to be a 3L. But, first, exams--which are met with excitement clouded by fear and trepidation. For now, though, i.e., for the next 14 days, I am in the zone. My days will start as usual (around 5:00 a.m.) and the entire day will be consumed with study, sample tests, sample answers, note cards, memorization, application, analysis, sprinkled with lots of junk food and sleep, when necessary.

One thing that I am going to do differently during exams this time is "reward" myself after every exam. One reward will be a pedicure, then a facial, a full-body massage, and, after the final exam, a steak dinner. Admittedly, I may be too exhausted to eat the darn thing, but I'm still going ("To go, please."). And, that's what I must do now....go. No tv, no blogging, no e-mails, no distractions....time to get in the zone.

Unexcused Absence

This morning the weight of so many deadlines is crushing me. I wonder to myself, "where have I been? Did I check out for a while?" I don't think so. My feet have hit the ground around 5:00 a.m. on a daily basis; yet, somehow, it hasn't been enough. Last week, I even gassed up on caffeine and worked 48 hours straight, but I still can't see any positive result from that effort.

My inbox has over 100 unanswered messages. I have a major project due in two weeks in Business Associations that I haven't even started--and I estimate "getting started" (finding a suitable form, research, writing a draft) should take at least two weeks. But, who can think of that, because exams start in two weeks. So it's time to shape up the outlines and start digesting all of this information that I have just been collecting the entire semester. I have devoted Saturdays of late to shaping up my outlines; still they seem to be disjointed and out of order.

This week I have been consumed with law review and the new responsibilities that I have there on the editorial board. The new board has had several meetings and an open house for the 1Ls. I also had to put together a workshop for the 1L write-on competition. I know that this is just the "learning curve" but it is consuming time that I don't have to give. Yesterday an editing project was dumped in my lap that must be completed by next Friday; and, it's not just cite checking, but "finding a source to support" some lazy author's assertions. I am still struggling with whether I am even going to justify such a ridiculous project. It seems to me it would be easier to return the article to the author with a "thanks, but no thanks" letter and let the chips fall where they may. But I am trying not to let exhaustion and stress cloud my decision-making process.

With all that in mind, please accept my apologies for the recent absences.