It's four in the morning . . . and I'm not Gwen Stefani

In less than one week I will be back in class. It has been so much fun to chat about being a 2L. This weekend many of my classmates returned “home,” and we had a wonderful get-together Saturday night. It was so good to see those friendly faces. We spent several hours around a dinner table just reminiscing our last year and making predictions about the humiliations we will suffer this year as well.

Our class has so much personality. We have young and old. We have geniuses (literally) . . . and then the rest of us. We have the loud, the quiet, the flamboyant, and reserved. We know that the 3Ls envy our camaraderie. For whatever reason, their class just hasn’t meshed like ours. We are all one even though we are each unique.

And now that the new semester is only a few days away, my schedule is already starting to spin itself out of control. There are still books to buy. Last year’s files need to be put in storage to make way for the 2L files that will occupy their space. There are still books to sell from last year. My desk is a mess; I think it’s symbolic of all that’s going on in my head right now. I have a list of “things to do” that covers the front and back of a page. Not to mention that it’s recruiting season for 2Ls.

The recruiting season has my stomach in knots. I know that a lot is riding on the 2L recruiting season. In a perfect world, my 2L summer internship will be sealed by Christmas, it will be in the perfect geographic location, and it will be a perfect fit for my interests and talents (whatever they might be). But Christmas is 20 weeks away, and there is much work to do just to get some firm, government office, or nonprofit to take a look at me. This is the cause of so much stress, and there’s little I can do to relieve it at this time, other than target the right employers, pray and be patient.

Then there’s law review. As I continue to work on the first cite checking assignment, and as the deadline is looming for my work to be done, I can already see what a tremendous commitment this is going to take. I’m even finding it difficult to find time to read the Law Review Handbook, which is 137 pages. Not to mention the hundreds of pages that I still need to read for the CASA work that I have volunteered to perform. Hmmm….I wonder if I’ve over-committed….again? This reminds me of the classic definition of “insanity,” i.e., doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

So, it’s four in the morning, one week before class, and I am already stressed. There are so many concerns. A lot is riding on this semester. I need to work diligently on lining up a summer internship. I must prove myself to the editors and senior staff of law review, which means cite checking articles of others, and then researching and writing an article of my own for publication. I must also maintain my GPA; I cannot slip in my class ranking if I intend to get a decent internship.

Oh, the irony: Classes haven’t even started, and I am already stressed. There are so many things that are out of my control. There are so many dark shadows and unknowns. There’s a definite need for a greater measure of faith and peace. There are no easy answers; there is no simple solution. Rather, it’s going to be a daily commitment to give everything I have, to hand over everything that I am. It is a 24/7 commitment of 16 weeks. And then, should I fail, it will not be from lack of effort.

Does this help me? Or ease the stress? Will it allow me to finally get some rest? Unfortunately--even at four in the morning--the answer is no. The entire conversation that I have posted here just continues to replay in my head. In less than one week I will be back in class . . . my schedule is spinning out of control . . . recruiting season has my stomach in knots . . . then there’s law review . . . and it’s four in the morning . . .